Long weekend: start the bad Dad Jokes — as my kids say

[13MikeH]

I guess we're talking about nostalgia instead of dad jokes. One of my prized possessions is my '76 Les Paul Custom that I've had for many years. I graduated high school that year and damn sure couldn't afford one then.

Oh the Dad jokes are still the core...nostalgia is what happens when. Dads sit around telling bad jokes...it's working

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.

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[MJE]

Yup right in the middle of the house between family room and kitchen. But looks much better lit up.

Oh wow incredible! Awesome collection & awesome way to use the space!

 

[MJE]

I guess we're talking about nostalgia instead of dad jokes. One of my prized possessions is my '76 Les Paul Custom that I've had for many years. I graduated high school that year and damn sure couldn't afford one then.

Sorry I had a big hand in getting off track here from the original grand & noble purpose of this thread, spreading dad jokes. And for the one person who might not have gotten my last one as I didn’t, this should make it a bit more obvious…

 

[MJE]

Just some more to keep the fun going.

 

[Steelbronco]

Dad jokes...around the grill cooking for the family get together.

So what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

Hamburgers are done...

 

[Major Kong]

A piece of string walks into a bar
hops up onto a stool
bartender says
sorry we don't serve string here
dejected little guy hops down off the stool
slinks outside the door
twists himself all up
messes up his hair
walks back into the bar and hops back up on the stool
bartender says
hey, didn't I just tell you we don't serve string here
string says
nope, I'm a frayed knot

 

[Mark S.]

Did you hear about the antennas that got married? The ceremony was so-so, but the reception was great!

 

[Carolo]

A piece of string walks into a bar
hops up onto a stool
bartender says
sorry we don't serve string here
dejected little guy hops down off the stool
slinks outside the door
twists himself all up
messes up his hair
walks back into the bar and hops back up on the stool
bartender says
hey, didn't I just tell you we don't serve string here
string says
nope, I'm a frayed knot

Old farmer John was at the bar, downin 1 after another when the local tractor dealer came over and suggested a new tractor might make him feel better!
Old farmer john said; This morning I went out to the barn to milk old Betsie. But every time I got sat on that milkin stool, old Betsie would smack me alongside the head with her tail! So, I threw a rope over the barn rafter to tie up her tail, but the rope was a little short. I put the milkin stool behind old Betsie, got up on it and could just reach the rope. So, I was tyin the knot when the button on my britches let loose and my pants wound up around my ankles! And that's when Ma came into the barn!
So, I tell ya what, If you can convince my wife that I was only tryin to milk old Betsie.......I'll buy yer dang tractor.

 

[Carolo]

What color is Heaven?

Past........el

 

[13MikeH]

Husband: “Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!”

Wife: “Poor kid! Go over there and tell him to use a sponge instead.”


I just got nine out of 10 in my bronco.

The last guy was able to get out of the way.

How is a golf ball different from a jeep?
You can drive a golf ball at least 200 yards.

What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile

 

[Major Kong]

Vandals put a hole in the fence at the nudist colony
The police are looking into it

 

[13MikeH]

Vandals put a hole in the fence at the nudist colony
The police are looking into it

Dirty cops! Sorry couldn't resist

 

[Carolo]

Guy had a flat tire and stopped next to a mental institution. One of the residents watched as he changed his tire. When he reached for the lug nuts to install the spare they got loose and fell down a storm drain. OH NO he cried, what will I do now? The resident suggested he use 1 lug nut from each of the other wheels until he could get the tire dealer. Guy said "wow, thats really smart, what are you doing in that place?" Resident said "I'm crazy, not stupid!"

 

[Benanza]

What you call a cow after in has a baby? Decaffeinated

Why are bakers so rich? They make so much dough

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we don’t serve food here

Two guys walk into a bar... The third one ducks

 

[Major Kong]

Guy had a flat tire and stopped next to a mental institution. One of the residents watched as he changed his tire. When he reached for the lug nuts to install the spare they got loose and fell down a storm drain. OH NO he cried, what will I do now? The resident suggested he use 1 lug nut from each of the other wheels until he could get the tire dealer. Guy said "wow, thats really smart, what are you doing in that place?" Resident said "I'm crazy, not stupid!"

Thanks Carolo
That one hit home
I can still hear my Dad telling it
Must've been one of his favorites
Us kids knew the punchline by heart
We'd always laugh anyways
dammit
that one got me right in the feels

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